Just like your teeth, your diet, your mental health need hygiene: to maintain and cull decay.
Your circle of friends is no different. Who do you look up to in your social circle? Who brightens your life? Who bogs you down consistently and never returns the favor when you need to lean on them?
Everyones heard of the “you’re an average of the 5 people you surround yourself with”, but if the people you surround yourself with are not where you want to be in 3 years, why are you around them in the first place? I’m not only talking about career or ambition, if you hang around mopey losers who complain or fry their brains all day, that’s exactly who’ll you become. Look at your phone right now, the last 20 people you’ve texted or called. These people will either drag you up or down. What picture does it paint for future you?
Why do we let mediocrity seep into our inner circle? Why do we collect friends like loose change? You may have a lot of convenience friends in your life, but imagine if you picked your wife or your mentors by who happened to be around you… oof.
I want to take an aside to say that this is only one aspect of love and growth. You should look to love every person you come in contact with, and there is something to be inspired and interested in in everyone you meet–you just have to dig. Part of you should look to love everyone and see the people around you flourish. But part of you should also pay attention to who makes your life bigger. And if you decide to readjust, do it gracefully 1
Like a garden that needs constant tending, your social circle requires careful cultivation, and if we wanna take it this far: a watchful eye for weeds. Weeds choke out the flowers. Surround yourself with people that make you come alive, that say “and what if this works?”, and that push you to the ideal form of yourself. Each person in your life should make you happier, more open, more rich in love and rich in self. You should look up to them and be inspired by them.
Life is too short for mediocre people. There are a lot of mediocre people. Convenience and mediocrity are mans greatest sins. Always aim to live with a passion, a fire, a vitality. The people around you should make you burn bright, aim higher at every step, and expand your world in ways you never imagined.
The world deserves to see you with your people, those that let you soar and expand. Time spend with the wrong people is robbing the world of your truest expression. That is time stolen from your soulmates getting to know you. The world, your people, and you… deserve to find them.
You only get a few close friends, and you only get a few short years. You could live life in the default mode, but personally, I think you should fill it to the brim.
Do the things that make men come alive. Rid your life of anything that makes your world smaller.
Footnotes
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The fix isn’t in dramatic gestures or confrontational exits. It’s in the gentle art of gravitating towards those who light fires inside you, who show up with energy instead of complaints, who make you feel more alive. It’s in slowly loosening the bonds with those who drain your spirit, not through conflict but through the natural drift of diverging paths. We are meant to find our people. Remember, be as kind as you can to everyone you meet. ↩